If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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