You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize