I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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