my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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