Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
