apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
