FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize