airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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