I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
