Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
