everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
