I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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