Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
