I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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