It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The power of my boobs compel you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
