is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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