Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
