If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
