She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
