you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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