If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
