When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
