The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
