Pappa wants mamma naked
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
