mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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