Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
there is glitter all over my balls
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
