i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
