if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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