He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
