Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
