I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A+ Viking dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize