he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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