my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
