We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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