i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
