I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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