Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
