Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
