I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
