good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
