my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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