when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
