there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
