I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
