Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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