I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
