wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
