I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
