dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
