sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
