textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I just put wine in my tea
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
