Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
