i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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