okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
