Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
