so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
