I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize