Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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