I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
