i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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