Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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