I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
