That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
