i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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