they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
