I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
