eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
