Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
