i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
