Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
