i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
