so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my vagina is haunted
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
