I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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