woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This toilet bowl is my home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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