I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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