so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We need to get me chipped asap
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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