He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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