I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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