I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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