Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
