im six kinds of drunk right now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Green mimosas i think yes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
