Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
