I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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