If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
