ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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