Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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