i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
