Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
