hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
