I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
