Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
