3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
