went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
