So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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