Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
