Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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