I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
