why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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