Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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