i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
