The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
