What did we do last night that was yellow?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
