Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
