So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
