What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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